


Now I See

by Fox (Spacefoxen)



Series: Of Raccoons and Not Complete Dicks [5]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Pining, Stream of Consciousness, belived to be unrequited feelings, grey-asexual Rocket, kinda sorta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 02:58:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3158675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacefoxen/pseuds/Fox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rocket is not happy when he realizes just how much he cares for Peter. He doesn't believe he's worth another's love, or that he could even be loved in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now I See

**Author's Note:**

> My current emotions and feelings decided to use Rocket as an outlet. I apologize.
> 
> Making a Home to be updated within the next few days. This just needed to get out now. It will eventually link up to the rest of the series.

Rocket curled up amongst a pile of blankets and the occasional mechanical scrap. He curled up tight, full of despair, self loathing, and lonliness.

Shuffling around a bit in his nest of blankets, Rocket tugged on a wadded up ball of fabric that was jabbing him in the side. He pulled until it became untangling from the rest of the blankets.

Oh. Yeah. Right.

He had forgotten he had snuck one of Peter's shirts out of the laundry back when he realized the human's scent helped him to relax and sleep better. Now, the shirt just prompted a growl from the back of Rocket's throat. It was just another reminder as to why he was good for nothing and not worth keeping around.

Instead of tossing the balled up shirt like he wanted to (like he should want to), Rocket shoved his nose into the fabric and inhsled deeply, then sighed. He curled up into a tight ball again, this time with the shirt tucked under his head.

He let his thoughts flow through his head, unchecked for once.

Rocket had realized today while he tinkered with a new weapon and the others fumbled around the the small kitchenette that he cared for Peter. Deeply. Not just the  _he's my best friend_  kind of deeply, either. More like the _if anything ever happened to the idiot I don't know what I'll do_ kind of deeply.

_If Peter ever finds out,_ he thought to himself, eyes shut tight.  _If he ever finds out, he'll be so disgusted. I'm even more of a freak now than before. He could never like me back. Not like this. Not the way I like him._ Rocket clenched tightly at the shirt under his head.  _No one will ever lo-like me back. I'm just a worthless thing. Not good for nothin' but blowin' shit up and getting under people's feet._

Rocket's body dhuddered as he suppressed the tears rising in his eyes. No reason to be even more pathetic.

If, by some miracle Rocket didn't believe in, Peter wad able to get over an animal liking him and actually  _liked him back,_ nothing would come of it. Rocket knew of Peter's sexual exploits. Hell, the whole crew did. But Rocket...would never be able to give Peter what he needed. Not sexually. And if they did get together, Peter would tire of him and move on.

It took so much out of Rocket to just admit his feelings. The idea of anything beyond those feelings scared him shitless. Physical intimacy was not something Rocket was usually comfortable with. The amount of trust Rocket needed in the other person was huge. Ever since his...Awakening, Rocket has grown cold at the thought of being intimate with anyone. The occasional hugs and cuddles he and Peter currently shared pushed at his comfort zones. Anything more than that....

Rocket whined at remembered hands as they tugged and pulled and  _hurt._

_I'm so fucked,_ Rocket thought bitterly.  _Either I'm sent away because I'm so damned disgusting, or Peter is okay with it until I tell him I'd probably never be comfortable with anything beyond what we currently do. I just can't win. Better he never finds out at all._

Rocket curled his tail up clse to himself, trying to bring himself some form of comfort. It didn't really help and Rocket sighed again. Pushing his nose into Peter's shirt and his depressing thoughts out of his head, Rocket determinedly settled into sleep.

He'd go about pushing the warmth that glowed in his chest at the thought of Peter out of his chest tomorrow. For now, he'd let it warm him as he slept.

**Author's Note:**

> I think a lot of those on the asexual spectrum think similar thoughts. I know I do, at least.


End file.
